I'm writing a MySpace survey.

1. When was the last time you filled one of these out?

2. Did you feel as guilty then as you do now for wasting your time on it?

3. About how much time do you think you'll spend per question on this survey?

4. How does that compare to the amount of time you normally give surveys?

5. When you think about how much time you've spent filling these out cumulatively over the course of your life, how does that make you feel?

6. If I were to change tacks right now, how would you feel about that?

7. What topic would you like to answer questions about?

8. Why that topic?

9. I don't really know what you're talking about. On a scale from red to violet, how does that make you feel? (for bonus points, write your response in a haiku that evokes that hue.)

10. Who is your least favorite living celebrity?

11. How do your feelings for that celebrity compare to your feelings for John Malkovitch?

12. What is your favorite planet in the solar system?

13. Was this planet your favorite before or after it was decided that Pluto is not a planet?

14. What was the first Halloween costume you can remember wearing?

15. For what other occasions would you consider wearing a similar costume?

16. On average, how many times per day would you say you use acronyms (a.k.a. "cell phone speak") in lieu of more appropriate forms of communication (a.k.a. "proper English grammar")?

17. Can you spot the grammatical error in the previous question?

18. What is a comma splice?

19. What Web site did you use to help you answer the previous question?

20. Joe and Mary go to the supermarket to buy ingredients to bake cookies. Joe buys one pound of chocolate chips at $1.25/pound and one and three eighths pounds of flour and $0.79/pound. Mary buys six ounces of butter at $2.35/pound and six eggs at $3.00/dozen. Who loves who more?

21. How many magazines do you subscribe to? (if the answer is "0", skip to number 25)

25. What civil liberty would you be willing to give up if you knew that everyone else was giving one up, and that once everyone had done so, the environmental crisis would be solved?

26. Please list the past five movies you saw in theaters chronologically, alphabetically, and in ascending order based on their gross domestic box office.

27. Which of the three tasks in 26 would have annoyed you most to complete?

28. Does your response to 27 speak in any way to your upbringing, your genetics, or your primary education? How so?

29. Pick a winner in each of the following fights-to-the-death: A) The North American grizzly bear v. Your mom B) Your boss v. That loud guy who sells Oxy-clean C) Your least favorite celebrity v. Your least favorite animated character. Bonus: Of the three people and/or animals who are now dead, who will you miss the most and why?

30. What questions haven't I asked you that you'd like me to know the answers to?