So... I was hanging out with Mike and started looking for some paper clips to bind some codes we found for him online when I stumbled across some old letters from the Kate. I played it cool until I took Mike home, then I sat down and read what she had to say a couple years ago before I visited her (in the time after we had been broken up for over a year). I am in a really weird place right now after reading them...

When you have been needed by someone for a long time, but they no longer need you anymore... that's a really shitty feeling. It's like the whole world turned itself inside out, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make things "right" again. But who's to say they were "right" in the first place? I guess I just don't know what to do about it. I feel like, as much as I had changed from the time we were together to the time those letters were written, I was a much different person: I had hope. Now... I think I am somewhere even lower than I was then (and I thought I could get no lower). I feel like everything that I put forth.... my thoughts and words and attitude... everything is negative. I don't know how to sum all this up, but... yeah.

Some of you may be thinking, "Man get a life!" and I would agree. I know there are much more important things than old letters from an old girlfriend to whom I rarely speak anymore. But I mean WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? There is so much in my life I should be happy about... even so much more than "back in the day"... and yet it feels that since my life isn't focused on that one girl... uggghhh.

Aside from all this, I'm happy. Really. Just another negative thought that I've decided to add to my ever-darkening blog entries.

More on Matthew Jay. So I was downloading some more music by Matthew Jay when I discovered the fact that he died this past September; he was only twenty-four years old. He fell from a seventh-story window... no one knows if it was an accident or suicide. It's just weird how many good musicians of this sort die untimely deaths... Nick Drake, Elliot Smith, Jeff Buckley... ANYWAY. Just a random really-late night musing. I'd suggest downloading his music. It's relaxing and just a bit melancholic... my kind of stuff. Of course... you all probably have owned his album for a couple years and already either like or hate him, which doesn't surprise me: I'm always the last to find out about these kinds of things.

Brrrrrr. It is downright chilly... which probably has something to do with the earth's tilt at this time of year or something! It was REALLY cold at the Chiefs game - for about, well, the wholegame, I was sure they were going to have to amputate a few toes due to frost bite. It was still fun as hell. I tried"Tim Tam Slams" at Mike's after the game. Tim Tams are these Austrailian chocolate-covered cookies. You prepare this hot chocolate stuff... Milo... and then bite two corners off of a rectangular shaped Tim Tam and then use the Tim Tam as a sort of straw to suck up the Milo. It is hard to envision but it is REALLY good. I'll let you know if I find suitable American substitutes for these products.

It's weird how much I love going home. I think I've just been away for awhile... or things really suck here in Manhattan... or something. But I haven't wanted to be back in Olathe this much since my freshman year. I think I'm really just tired of school.

I made a couple selfish "you shouldn't be buying this before Christmas" purchases today. The first was "Harry Potter: Quidditch World Cup" for Gamecube. It is really fun... a sports game for those who don't really like sports games. The other, of course, was X2: X-Men United.

Jason showed me some cool music videos tonight directed by a guy whose name I can't remember (Michel something... Gondry?) ANYWAY... he's what I would call the music video version of M.C. Esher. Yes, my friends... he is that cool.

I am in the process of finishing up reading Fellowship of the Ring. I know, it hasn't been my book of the moment for a long time, but alas, it is what I have been reading. I think my book of the moment never can or will be accurate; I will ALWAYS be reading multiple books at the same time. But yeah.... I, uh, don't know where to go from here.

Oh hey... download this song: "You're Always Going Too Soon" - Matthew Jay. I heard it at work and liked it.

Confession. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for blink-182 and their pop-punk harmonies and heavy reliance on bridges and chorus-repetition. That said, I purchased their newest album tonight. It is untitled, and I enjoy it a lot. I would recommend the songs "Violence", "Down", "Asthenia", and "All of This". "Asthenia" is about a pretty cool subject - an astronaut in a space shuttle who doesn't want to return to earth because it's so full of artificiality and negativity. Good writing material... perhaps I will partake sometime.

I also confess that I sort of ran home this weekend. I was feeling pretty depressed for some reason - it could have stemmed from a host of different things. Anyway...

I hung out with Mike tonight, and that was great. We watched the awesome KSU victory on TBS and then celebrated with trips to Wal-Mart and Target (this is when I bought the blink album). Then he started talking Mormon to me, and I didn't really know what to do. That wasn't so great. I'm going to church with him tomorrow because he said that it was the only way we'd be able to make it to the Chiefs game on time. I'm not SO sure that's the whole truth, but... yeah. So I'm going to the Chiefs - Raiders game tomorrow, which is great. Then I will go back to Manhattan for a couple days, then come BACK here to Olathe for Thanksgiving.

I want to watch a lot of movies when I go back to Manhattan and not do the class thing. The semester's nearly over though... only ten more days of class (or something like that). SO... maybe I can hold out? Finals are going to be ugly. Oh well... it's only my college education. Meh.

Oops I did it again. I slept through my second chance at reading poetry at Manhattan High School. There's no excuse for this other than the fact that I am not a morning person. Mr. Ficke, the teacher whose class I was to read for, hates me, as I believe he is warranted to do. I am a bit wary of what repurcussions might result from my sleep deprevations, but I guess I will have to keep on going until they do indeed surface.

Here's the thing... today was the first day we've had my Structure class since the homicide. Professor Murray, the prime suspect in the murder of his ex-wife, was in class and taught us today. At the beginning of class, he introduced those "who have been living in a cave" to the fact that he is indeed one of if not the prime suspects. His voice broke a few times during his, I feel, very well stated remarks on the issue. He taught class as normal, and attempted to cover as much material as possible in case he is detained. I don't know if I was "jaded" by a very well executed "performance", but I truly believed him to be sincere. I feel horrible for him and for the way I sort of hoped he actually did it so that way when I tell the story to my kids it's actually interesting. I don't know what I was thinking. So anyway... I hope he did not do it, because I really don't believe (or want to believe) that he did. If it comes out that he was indeed the killer, then today will have been the spookiest day in my life, and also the day when I learned that I can't always trust my instincts (at least not in murder cases).

Apologies to Brad Ficke, who I know does not read this, and to Ms. Friesen, who might (and to whom I was rather short with today in Survey).

I got an A on my fifth and final poem for Intro to Poetry Writing. That makes four A's and a B+, which on the whole, considering the minimal amount of time I put into the work, I am very proud of. On my five-page philosophy paper, I recieved a C, which is comendable considering I started writing it at 5:00AM the night before it was due. The bad thing is that he wants me to come in and talk to him about it, which I really don't want to do. I don't even remember what I wrote about!

Mike arrived last night. It was really great seeing him, and I cannot wait to hang out with him in the coming weeks, but I felt really out of place being there. I think it was because, other than Kyle and myself, everyone else was family or Mormon friends (there were three of these), and so yeah. I can't wait to talk to him one on one, though. I guess I might wait till the jet lag is taken care of... although our sleeping patterns are probably similar if he's still on Aussie time. Kyle and I had a nice road trip... we had good conversation and such. So yeah... it was a happy Thursday night.

I still can't believe I slept through that reading.

Moral: "If you commit, follow through." - Mr. Ficke

If this blog had pages it'd be a real page turner. Unfortunatley, we're just going to have to call it a "scroller" or something of the sort.

Let's get the boring stuff out of the way: cleaned the apartment, got Two Towers SE on DVD, have been working a lot, and Mike gets back from his two-year stint in Austrailia tomorrow evening. All of this is great and good, but I've got some real dirt to dish out. We're talking DRAMA!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Note: dialogue is approximated-

Monday - 11:10pm - I have just arrived home from work and am checking my voicemails on my cell phone when the land line rings. The Caller ID reads "Riley County Of" Chad, president and CEO of Empire Unleashed, picks it up.

Chad: Hey Mikey, you have a phone call.

Me: (to Chad) all right. (picks up the phone) Hello?

Caller: Hi this is Officer _________ with the Douglas County Sheriff's department. We're investigating a homicide that happened in our county this weekend and were seeing if we could ask you a few questions.

I agree to the task, and Officer ______ and I arrange to meet at 2:30pm on Tuesday afternoon. Disturbed by the idea of my involvement in a homicide case, I seek answers on the internet and find them here. Apparently my Structure of the English Language professor's ex-wife has been murdered. I am entrigued.

Tuesday - 2:30pm - I arrive at the Riley County "police department" and am met by a well-shaven man of about thirty years of age who introduces himself as Officer ________. We attempt to find space in an interrogation room, but all are full. We locate ourselves at a small table in the lobby of the building, and proceed with the questioning. The questions are random, and relate to his testing methods, his clothing, and the way he and I communicated outside of class (inconsequential in my mind). Finally, Officer ________, who wrote very very slowly, bids me good day. I am disappointed.

Wednesday - 11:30am - class is cancelled. 12:30am - in my British Survey class, I hear from several other students who have recieved similar investigations. They are as in the dark as I, until a meek girl one row behind me, auburn of hair and fair in complextion, clears her throat and says:

Girl: My husband is an officer in the Riley County Police Department, but...

Me: can you not tell us anything?

Girl: Well, no, I can.... (she pauses. We are hanging on her every word. We look at her pleadingly)... well... a lot of the evidence points to him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So where does this leave me? I can't picture this man, who seemed so mild mannered and generally benevolent, comitting what my friend Hannah was informed was a "violent, gross crime of passion". But then again, he seems the kind that could very easily snap. He always appeared creepy to me. After the first day of class, I mentioned to Hannah that he looked like a mixture between Christopher Walken and Dracula to me. But who knows? This is by far one of the more bizarre things that has happened in my life. Is it bad that that I am exploiting this woman's death in my blog and perhaps down the road in my writing? I think so. But, great stories must be told, even if the teller is mediocre at best.

More as the situation develops. Back to you, Alexi...

Friday Five. Yes, it's Saturday, but Jason showed me this, so I figured I would give it a whirl. It seems fun.

1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space.

warm

2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer.

tactless, confused

3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime.

lazy, horizontal, electronic

4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day.

short, late, tiring, unproductive

5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life.

wealthy, unemployed, private, inspiring, well-loved

Grandpa's funeral was today... it was your typical funeral. I was a pall bearer, and I seem to have become a lot more buff since the last time I did that job. My family was overly interested in my shoes, but they seemed to feel they were a bit too "rugged" for a funeral. But whatever. I'm young and practical, and so if they can't deal with it then whatever. My grandpa would have liked them, so bah.

Mike called me today. He gets home at about 6:00 on Thursday, which is EXCITING. Then I went to Kiran's "fiesta" and had a good time talking about substitute teachers (Remember Mr. "Eyebrows" Lighty? How about Ms. "Psychotic wife of the mayor of Olathe" Campbell?), cats, and musicals (like Cats). Tomorrow, I'm going to see Master and Commander and my brother's high school musical, Into the Woods.

Memories. I'm at home in Olathe right now, and I was browsing through my computer for pictures to add to my profile on Friendster when I stumbled across some pictures from back in the day when I was skinny (and much more attractive than I am today). It's weird... I look so young and happy. What changed? I was even thinking on the drive home about how much my life has changed in the past few years... I am missing the simplicity that I felt back then. MAN... I need to go back on a diet! I LOOKED SO GOOD! I think that settles it... I should print out the picture and put it on my fridge and it'll be my motivation to take control of at least one part of my life!

Tomorrow is my grandpa's funeral. I feel bad, because to break the tension that comes when I tell people he died (a tension which I hate)... I say that I'm okay because "he was kind of a bastard". This is a lie... or at least a partial truth; my grandpa treated people the way he did because that is the definition he had of love. To him, negative comments were no different than positive ones... he just said what he felt. Sometimes he hurt people (well... a lot), but I think he meant well. So grandpa, if you're dead but read this (or listen in on my conversations)... know that me calling you a bastard is me being unable to deal with the fact that you're gone. It has started to hit me, though... it did especially when I read the little pamphlet thing from his visitation tonight.

Congrats to my friend Michelle, who has yet to tell me the good news ;) But I'm sure she will in time.

I remember back in the day, how I thought love could move the world. I thought it could just cause thousands of miles to disappear and bring continents together and whatnot. Was I wrong? Mmmmmm...

Sometimes I think all I write here is worthless crap that no one wants or needs to read. Tim asked me today what the point of a blog is. I told him I didn't know... it's just a place where I write my thoughts. Maybe I make a difference, though? Maybe I say something or react to something similar to the way you might, and so you are affected by our ability to relate on those emotions (or maybe not). But DAMMIT I'm going to keep blogging, because it feels good, and it makes me happy. So... yeah. Please sign up for Friendster and add me as a friend... it's a lot of fun (at least... it looks like it could be). And Katie, sorry for the no e-mail. After I hung up, I lost my train of thought. I think my head will be a bit clearer tomorrow night.

I'm going to hell. My grandpa died today. They don't really know how it happened, but he had been sick for a really long time, and today he just died. I don't really know what to write about it... it feels so wrong to do so. So, guess I'm moving on.

I really wish I could have seen him though. I don't know when the last time I got to see him was... it was before he got really suck. It bothers me that I never really got to say goodbye. Not seeing him was, for me, one of those things that you know you'll regret later on, but you just don't feel that you can be bothered to do it at that moment. I am horrible.

What is going on? My motivation is slipping... perhaps more than it ever has before. All I feel like doing anymore is sitting here and watching TV and reading books (more of the former though; the latter takes too much effort). It's really kind of sad. And pathetic. I think I need to get a new hobby... or rediscover old ones or something. I want my cello back. I also want to start writing more (since I more or less want that to be my profession some day). I'll let you know how all this goes.

My toilet is being kind of weird tonight; it will start and run for about five seconds and then shut off for about fifteen... then it starts all over again. I am thinking I'll call the landlady soon and pursue a permanent solution to the problem, but for now at least it provides me with something semi-interesting to mull over on this blog.

Sometimes I think about how much more drive I had in High School. I mean Jesus... I was HARDCORE! Seven hours of class a day, followed by at least four hours of work at a job that I absolutely hated (although it did allow me to get homework done and catch up on sleep!) I think what I miss is that cushy life... the parents who did my laundry and made my bed and cooked and cleaned and whatnot. And I miss the security of not being alone... because I wasn't back then, at least not in the sense that I am now. Those were the days. My life is no longer a compilation of my own and other people's efforts... it's what I make of it. Right now, I'm sad to say, I'm not making much. I am definitely in a "searching" mode... searching for my "meaning" and "purpose" - searching for what I want to get out of my life. I hate how right now all the words I am using are big abstractions ("MEANING" and "PURPOSE")... I can't really focus them with any concrete details. I can sort of see an end to the search; I can see what I want to eventually see. I think I'm just unsure of how to get there. My new path of indifference and laziness (and, dare I say, melancholy) isn't working... it's getting old pretty quick. I'm on the verge of something new though. Anyway... just a little profundity for you to chew on.

In defense of my enjoyment of the Matrix Trilogy... I will admit that the movies (actually just the last two) are glorified crap. I read a quote that I really agree with that said that they are basically "the worlds most expensive student films". There are so many issues with bad writing, horrific dialogue, ineffective pacing, and overly-pedantic musing on philosophy (shutting the toilet off) that it makes the movies hard to praise. The reason I liked the trilogy, though, was for the world that the Wachowski Brothers created... a human race that was destroyed by its own flaws (flaws that I myself see in our own society, both past and present). The boys could have executed the story far better, and I think they owed it to the story to do so. Nevertheless, I had fun watching it all. The idealistic ending of Revolutions displays, I think, the quixotic dream that world peace is actually possible... that we can be forgiven for our sins and forgive as well. It's a nice thought... a thought that makes me happy and gives me hope. Ergo, I will continue to enjoy the Matrix, not for what it showed me, but for what I saw in it. How's that for crappy and botched reasoning? I'm going to go watch more Friends now. Is my taste waning?

A pointless Sunday. I have so much stuff to do for tomorrow, and yet today I did absolutely nothing (at least nothing that I had to do). I watched some Friends Season Five and got thoroughly depressed about my lack of anything resembling a love life (Friends will do that to me sometimes). Then I went to work. Work was okay... we got out of there pretty quickly, but I still kind of wish I didn't have to go in at all.

My toilet doesn't stop running. If I had to pay for water, I'd be pissed. But since it's included in my rent, I usually just let it run until I get annoyed. It was running when I got home a bit ago, but I haven't gone in an turned it off yet.

I can't find my poetry writing syllabus, so I don't know what I need to do for tomorrow. This is a problem because of what went down last Friday (nobody had read, so she got pissed off and sent us all home... which was kind of nice, but still). I'm hoping I can find it. I'm expecting she's going to be extra scrutinous on our reading comprehension. I also have to read thirty pages of "The Importance of Being Earnest" for my Survey class tomorrow. I think I'm going to hussle on over to the Digital Shelf and rent the movie version and then watch it while I read along. At least that way I won't take four hours to read it (I'm a slow reader; I tend to doze off). Okay I'm shutting the toilet off now.

And I'm back. Speaking of back... mine doesn't hurt anymore. I dunno what happened, but I like it.

My weekend is over. Sad but true. In about an hour, I am trucking my ass off to Cold Stone, where I will pretend to be thrilled to create the ultimate ice cream experience for thousands of indecisive sorority girls, then get down and dirty cleaning it all up so I can go back in tomorrow night and do it all over again. It's not that I don't like this job; on the contrary, it's one of the best I've had. But it's cold, and I'm tired, and all I want to do is sit in my apartment and read or play GameCube or anything but go to work. My back is still killing me too... I think it's something I'm going to have to go to the rec for, cause the pain pills just aren't cutting it.

I didn't get to see Elf last night. Jah-soan and I went to see Mystic River in the afternoon (it was good... depressing, but good)... then I pretty much hung out with my roommate for the rest of the night. We had a good time until he got bloodied up in our parking lot by a couple of drunk assholes. It was weird...

I cannot wait for this semester to be over. I am sick of my classes I think... and of my routine. Next semester it looks like I will have Mondays and Fridays free from class... which means some sweet four day weekends (although I'll probably have to work some of the time, but maybe I can take Saturdays and Sundays off!) This one class I want (Advanced Creative Writing: Fiction) is full... so I have to wait and see if I can get in. If not, I will have to make alternative plans. Boo to that.

On the importance of profundity in blog entries I am a firm believer in the idea that one need not use profound words to express profound thoughts. I will admit that most of my blog entries speak of the mundane, and that rarely do I attempt to acheive any philosophical understandings of the world around me (although SOMETIMES I do), but I guess that is not why I created this blog. Every day I am forced (or feel forced) to look for the deeper meaning in things, including my own life. Sometimes that feeling will manifest itself in a post. Oftentimes it will not.

Maybe my blog is more of an escape from all that... to just write down all the things that happened in my day so that way the two of you who still read this and I don't have to have conversations about my mundane life since you already know a lot of what happened, and we can get to the nitty gritty. Or maybe I write about the boring events of my day because that's the side of myself I'm not good at expressing verbally (not that I feel I'm really good at expressing ANYTHING about myself). I guess that could be a flaw, since I don't pursue "higher" conversations with my friends, perhaps I should pursue higher musings in my blog thoughts? But really, if you know me at all, you know that I don't really pursue conversations period. I encounter them. I am no good at thinking up things to talk about, so I wait until YOU think of it, then I give my say. Or maybe this is all just a selfish thing for me... maybe I write all of my random thoughts down so that I don't feel bad boring you with them in our real conversations. I admit my own randomness can be annoying, but at least here you have the option of ignoring me. I think I might have said something like that before.

Regardless of all that, I never have and never will claim that this blog will produce any quotable revelations on the meaning of life. Read Caleb's blog for that... he's much better at it than I. No... I think I'm just going to stick to talking about things like how my poetry writing professor cancelled class today because not a single person read the assigned poem (Frost's "The Witch of Coos"). It was pretty nice. Then you will know how I react to situations and will understand ME rather than my flawed understanding of the world, which would most likely benefit from a good conversation with you.

I want to go see a movie tonight. Really bad. A movie like Elf. But I already said that in an earlier post today. So... any takers? Either of you? Mmmbetty.

Picking my battles. Michelle and Jason stopped by Cold Stone the other night. It was great... we weren't busy at all, so I got to hang out with them! Then after they left, massive throngs of sorority girls came in. I could describe to you the intense hatred I have for these groups, but as this is a blog and I don't feel like rambling, I will instead say that you'll have to ask me later.

I saw The Matrix Revolutions last night. I was quite a fan, although for a different reason than I was for the first one. The first Matrix was cool because it was new; dark, mysterious, and with Special effects that had never been made before. It had quite a bit of sub-surface substance to it as well, and it could be pretty easily figured out. The second movie, while good, lost sight of all this. I couldn't tell what it wanted to be; interesting piece of cinema or high budget action flick. The third film sealed it; The Matrix is indeed a high budget action film. Where it tries with such earnest, I feel it fails: in my opinion, trying to figure out exactly what is going on (both literally and figuratively) is a little too difficult to figure out... all I can picture is two nerdy Wachowski brothers laughing at me and saying "What? You honeshtly don't get thish?? What a shimpleton are you." Maybe I'm just lazy, but yeah. BUT... WHAT A RIDE! Where the melodramatic resurrection of Trinity scene in Reloaded sorely out of place, similar scenes in Revolutions seemed to have found their home. And all the action... the throngs of sentinels... that face plant on Agent Smith and the view of the real sky... I had a lot of fun watching it. Some of you will agree. Some of you won't. But I guess that is just the beauty of life.

How cliche. Anyway. I want to see Elf this weekend. I also don't want to work. One of these things will occur. The other won't. My neighbor upstairs has squeaky bedsprings. They are especially loud around two in the morning when the bars close. This is disturbing to me for a couple of reasons, but worry not... I have already moved on.

Now I am going to go do my homework for my class in an hour. I am excited to come home from class and to be free for a weekend of fun and fancy. Tra la.

Disappointments. The Matrix Revolutions did not have a midnight showing last night, so now I'm not going to get to see it until Thursday. Also, I haven't done as much work as I hoped I'd get done in the way of cleaning up my apartment this week... oh well.

Finding Nemo is great. I also rented and watched Whale Rider last night (as one of my two free DVD rentals I recieved for purchasing The Indiana Jones Trilogy from Hastings). It was excellent.

My back is killing me... I bought some pain medication for it so hopefully it will get better. It really sucks not being able to bend over... especially when you have to do a lot of that at your job. I'm glad I have tomorrow and Friday off... it'll give me some time to recouperate. I also bought some sleeping pills, so hopefully I can get my sleeping patterns back on track (rather than going to bed at like three or four in the morning!) WELL... I should go to work. Chad, if you get home before I do, sorry for the dishes!

The more I think about it, the more I can't wait to get out of Kansas. Thinking about the fact that I only "have" to live here for about another year and a half makes me so happy! It's actually kind of sad...

and scary.

White Oleander was on HBO tonight... I missed the beginning but caught the majority of the film; I thought it was really good.

I finally did laundry today... it was the busiest I've ever seen the Wash Palace, but it was still an enjoyable experience. There's a new girl at work; she's freakishly short, but really nice. And I think I kind of got asked out on a date by another co-worker. More on that as the situation develops. We also have Candy Cane ice cream at work. It's kind of nasty. AND we play new music at work; it's a refreshing break from all the repetative "musak" we played before.

I'm in one of those moods where I just want to drive away and never come back or turn off all the lights and do nothing for the rest of the night or just go out and watch the stars (which would actually be a serious consideration if it wasn't cold and rainy outside). I have so much homework to do it's insane. And I really don't care.

I thought of a good holiday movie premise: a singing, dancing claymation candy cane builds himself a winter wonderland retreat named "X-masadu" and estranges himself from the rest of the candy cane world until, after his untimely death they try to discover the meaning of his last word. It would be called "Citizen Cane". Man I'm awesome!!!

Apologies. There are a few people who I currently feel I owe apologies. Why I do it here and not in person (or "over IM", as the case may be) is not that hard to figure out: I am one of those people who likes to make himself feel better by being public about just about every issue he has so that people don't think he doesn't know he's flawed. Or... something.

Katie (not Vincent): I am sorry I called you accidentally last night in an attempt to call the other Katie. That was very not cool, and I can't blame you for being mad.

The girl who wrote the poem I ranted about: I'm sorry that I ranted about your poem... there is a chance that you are exactly who you say you are in that poem; I forgot that I don't know you, but instead did you the injustice of putting you in a group of (in my mind) jilted females who, upon reflection, are probably jilted (whatever that word is) by the pressures of a society in which we are pretty much force fed the idea that we are only beautiful when we are skinny and beautiful and straight-toothed and horny and drunk and smoking. So maybe this is an apology to all of woman-kind, or maybe society in general, or maybe even something bigger...

Kyle: I am sorry that in my rant about said-girl's poem, I seemed to say that the only reason you write music is to get girls. I know this is not the case... and I can explain this more a bit later.

Karla, Kaitlyn and posse: Sorry I forgot I invited you to my party tonight that didn't happen, and that I in turn forgot to call you. That wasn't cool of me. I hope you found something fun to do tonight.

Everyone who I had invited to the party that never was: Sorry. I was tired.

Kyle (again), Sara, David, April and Amandra: Sorry I never called back tonight; I got kind of wrapped up in my art project and then just went over to Adam and Jason's and watched TV for a bit before I decided to go home.

Tiffany and John: I totally forgot your phone message until just now, ugghhh MAN I am horrible!

NOTE: only about four people apologized to in this post will actually read it. If you are one of them, and know a person or people who will not recieve this apology by reading it with their own two eyes (or four, as the case may be), please feel free to relay it to them. I might do it myself, but... we all know how I am with that kind of thing.