It's not that I haven't felt like blogging. I just hate my computer. And John Malkovich.

So, I'm in Seattle.

I'm sure you knew that, or know that, or whatever the proper tense of the verb would be in this situation (college was years ago, folks... YEARS!!!) but I feel as though I should say it anyway.

I'm in Seattle, living with Jessica, who I've known since second grade, and working at a coffeeshop at an hourly rate that I can only assume is minimum wage because if it were any lower, I'd be out on the street doing hail Mary's with the guy I saw on the accelration ramp to the I-5 on my way home from work yesterday. And so far, it's been pretty amazing.

I've taken to the mandatory recycling pretty well, I'm in love with the way I've decorated my room (Thanks, IKEA!), and I'm moderately able to navagate the hills and winding, maze-like avenues that make up West Seattle (which isn't all that far outside of the main, exciting part of the city, contrary to what Google maps and walkscore.com might have you think.) So far, my days go something like this:

7:30 a.m. - wake up thirty minutes before my alarm goes off. pee. go back to bed.
8 a.m. - wake up for real. shower. make breakfast/coffee and consume these things while checking the traffic on the news.
9 a.m. - leave for work if the traffic looks bad. watch a little bit of Regis and Kelly if it looks okay, then leave. sit in traffic.
10 a.m. - arrive at work. drink some coffee.
12 p.m. - become tired at work. drink some coffee. feel less tired, more zombie-like.
2 p.m. - get off work. drive home.
2:30 p.m. - arrive at home. check my e-mail. look for jobs.
4 p.m. - do something "house-wifey" (wash dishes, make bed, clean stuff) OR play some Wii.
5 p.m. - wait for Jessica to get home.
7:30 p.m. - eat dinner. become extremely tired. start drinking beer.
8 p.m. - watch primetime TV OR go out and do something.
11 p.m. - go to bed.

Of course, this will all change next week when I start working full-time, but it's been an enjoyable schedule nevertheless, I think mainly because it's a bit unfamiliar.

And now two notes on the weather in Seattle:

1. It is rainy, but not like everyone might have you think. By which I mean, it rains almost every day, but the sun also shines almost every day as well. That saying "If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes it will change" applies more to Seattle than it ever did to Kansas.
2. If someone in Seattle tells you there's going to be a wind storm and that you need to stock up on your bottled water and non-perishables, don't buy it. Tell them to take a sedative and calm the hell down, because it's really not that big of a deal.

Second thoughts? Naaaa...

Is it weird that two days before I'm slated to move to Seattle, I found a listing to teach English to adults in Beijing, and that upon reading it, I felt an honest-to-God sense of pull in that direction?

The answer is yes.

But that doesn't mean I'm actually going to do it. Not yet anyway. It is, however, interesting to me how much I miss being in China... maybe because I love to travel... maybe because I loved not having any real responsibilities... maybe because I loved being treated like some white, overweight deity. Whatever the reason, I've at least come to the decision that I most likely will do the whole "abroad for a year" thing sometime in the future.

In the meantime, I'm finishing up my final edition of the paper, then packing up and setting sail (or... driving) for Seattle on Friday. Jessica and I have a place to live, so now the main obstacle is finding a job... which I'm reasonably (but not overly) concerned with.

Ah, insomnia, my stalwart friend...

I've got thirty minutes before this battery dies, and I am not lugging my happy ass out of bed to plug my computer in, so I'll keep it short.

I'm laying here debating what I want to do (job-wise) when I get to Seattle. Serve people coffee? Write for a newspaper? Make pretty layouts for some magazine? Drive a school bus?

While some options are certainly more viable than others, I find myself pretty discouraged by the fact that chances are I won't be noticed even once I do apply. My feelings of overwhelmment aren't helped by the long queue of suggestions I've received regarding my occupational future. Some have been reasonable and helpful... such as looking into temp agencies and applying at coffeehouses (I've got an interview already lined up for my first day in Seattle.) Others have made me hopeful for jobs I have no chance of landing (even though I'd probably enjoy them the most... i.e. making layouts (or, in technical terms, graphic design). Some have been downright outlandish, like starting my own gift-basket arranging business...

... there are no words.

And what happens if, given my currently unfavorable debt-to-income ratio, coupled with the fact that I don't yet have a job lined up in Seattle, I am unable to rent an apartment? Then where does that leave me?

And how in the hell am I going to plan this whole damned garage sale AND produce two editions of The Spring Hill New Era, all while training my replacement, worrying about apartment hunting, and trying to find a way to tell my parents that I've decided that I am going to go on that roadtrip to Austin with my friends in a couple weeks after all without them blowing a gasket???

It all remains to be seen.

Logistics are a bitch.

Let's blow this joint.

Once or twice a year, my wrist starts aching as though I've either broken, sprained, twisted, snapped, or otherwise maimed the only part of my body that I'm actually happy with (I'm sorry... I like the way the little bump pops out...)

My friends, that time of the year is now.

What have I done to deserve this? Have I been partaking in too much physical exertion? Surely not. Or could it be that I spend too much time plunking away at the keys of my laptop? Nonsense. Lifting too many overlarge tomes? Ha! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Jesus and I aren't exactly BFF? Couldn't be.

Really, I have no idea... but I wish my wrist would just get over itself long enough for me to enjoy one pain-free year. Seriously.

Ummm... that's all.

Good riddance... sorta

I'm moving to Seattle. I feel like when I put it in my blog, then it's official (right?) But yeah. Oct. 5 is the day I drive away from Kansas with nothing but my Civic and all the shit I can cram into it. Woot woot! Here's hoping it works out!

In an effort to earn myself some extra cash (or at least the gas money it'll take to get me out there), I'm holding my first ever bona fide Garage Sale. So the past few days I've been sorting through all my excess shit (there's a lot)... it's liberating!

Today I spent a good portion of my time uploading my CD collections to my computer so I can (try to) sell all of them. It's something I've been meaning to do for awhile, and in spite of the fact that most of them are late 90's pop music, I'm really excited to have so many more options on my iPod. Right now I am debating between Eagle Eye Cherry, Lit, and Sugar Way for the drive to work... although I just bought the new Rogue Wave album, so that'll probably supercede this temporary bout of nostalgia. Seriously, the past few days I've been driving around with my windows down (the weather's been PERFECT) listening to Tonic. It's like I never left high school!

Oh Jesus.

But yeah... I'm also selling some DVD's (GASP), books, a VCR, my Nintendo 64, and a bunch of other shit. Plus, Jessica and my parents are probably going to throw in some stuff (including my old student cello... don't worry, we're keeping the good one). So if you need some cheap used crap, you know where to stop by next Saturday.

Like mother, like son.

My mom and I were sitting at Sonic tonight, waiting for some smoothies. If you haven't been to Sonic in the last couple of years... what the hell's wrong with you? (kidding)... they have a key pad where you can pay with your credit or debit card without having to inconvenience the carhop or, by extension, yourself. (The less human-interaction these days, the better, right?) These keypads are also kind enough to let you know your order is being delivered, as ours did just before my mother and I had this conversation...

Mom: I hate it when it does that.
Me: Why?
Mom: Because then I have to pretend to be happy.
Both: (laughter)

I know, it doesn't sound funny, but I still can't stop laughing about it... mainly because I feel exactly the same way. Because you know when that little message pops up that in about ten seconds, the carhop's going to come out and give you a big fake smile and pretend that she couldn't be more tickled to be delivering you a couple of smoothies that cost more than she makes in an hour. And, so, of course, you're going to have to pretend to be that happy too. It's just common courtesy, right?

Sometimes I feel like I am pretending to be happy all the time. The sad thing is it's not something I'm really even sad about (even though I know I should be)... I'm just never feel as happy as I pretend to be on the outside. Am I depressed? Maybe. But I don't feel depressed. I just feel like there's a level of happiness that has become accepted as normal (regardless of whether or not it really is), and my level of happiness is somewhat below that. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, but I'm comforted by the fact that a lot of people - my mom included - feel exactly the same way.

I'm just going to blame it on our stupid society and our inability to be real with one another because we're afraid someone might get offended in the process. THat works, doesn't it?

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

(I wrote the title of this blog singing the song in my head, so if you didn't read it that way, I suggest you go back and do so just so you can get a better feel for the tone of this post. If you wanted to be really cool, you could even sing it out loud... particularly if you are reading this at work or in close proximity with a person or people who don't really understand your penchant to break out into song randomly... because that makes you even cooler in my eyes.)

Once a year, a lovely little civic group known as the Morning Grange takes it upon themselves to put processed meat dogs on sticks, slather them in a fluffy, slightly sweet (but not to the point of tasting like a pancake) batter, golden frying them (probably in melted lard), and then vending them to the dedicated citizens of Johnson County, Kan. who have come to crave them like a hooker craves crack.

Which is a lot.

That time, my friends, is right now... and it pains me to even be sitting here writing to you when I could be packing my sweet pink mouth so full of Grange Pups that surely I'd gain about eighty pounds. But I don't think Old Settlers starts up on Friday till about 11. So I wait.

Since I've been working at the paper for a couple years now, I actually know a fair number of Grange members, and have considered asking them this most sacred of sacred recipes. But then my conscience, a creepy little animated insect who looks nothing at all like Jiminy Cricket, kicks in and says, in his inner-city streetwise way "Yo, you cain't do that fo' three reasons, foo... first, you'd gain 'bout three hundred pounds and turn inta one a those fatasses who cain't get up out his house without no forklift. Second, you too lazy to cook them fo' yoself. And lastly, whatchoo gonna look forward to year after year? Huh? Harry Potter movies? Shiiiiiiiit..."

So I don't.

Anyway, if you're in or around Olathe during the next two days, I suggest you waddle on down to Chestnut street by the courthouse and try on of these deep-fried glories-on-a-stick. And if you aren't near Olathe (as I wasn't last year at this time)... I feel your pain.

Official 2007 Grange Pup Tally: 16

Mixed media.

Are most people slaves to the media? Or just me? Because really, between my job at the newspaper, and a social life which, in the absence of friends in close-proximity, has come to consist of television, music, internet and video games, I don't have much else.

But anyway... I can't wait for Big Brother to be over, because A.) Jessica (from Wichita!) is getting evicted on Thursday and B.) it has officially taken over my life.

Also, Singing Bee. Is this not the single most entertaining half-hour (or, as was the case today, hour) currently on television??? I mean... the singing... the dancing... the all around non-"Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"ness of the whole thing... I defy anyone who thinks they can sit down to watch this show and not stand up beaming.

I'm loving "Twilight Princess." I'm about 25 hours in and I think I've only just passed the halfway point... but then I'm a Zelda completionist - one of those people who goes into every nook and cranny to find every damned piece of heart and rupee that the game can afford me. The only thing I don't like is that the graphics were obviously made for the Gamecube's capabilities, not the Wii's. But whatever.

And Rogue Wave. I can't wait for their new album, and if I'm living in Seattle in a month's time, I've definitely got to set aside some money to go to their concert (and if not, at least they're coming to Lawrence this fall!)

Pre-Monday freakout.

I've got a big schmattering of crap on my plate tomorrow... the big bulk of which concerns my dad and his very major cancer-removing, life-altering (and hopefully not fatal) surgery at 8:30 a.m. Then there's the fact that I basically have nothing done for work... but like everything else about my job, that's an old story.

I'll get it all done... tomorrow. Right? Right.

I'm still laying in bed, semi-avoiding going to work, semi-cognizant of the fact that there's really no reason for me to be in so "early" this morning since I finished almost everything last night, and semi-unexcited about the fact that I have to shave (shaving... what a pain in the ass!)

I was laying here thinking that I really want some pumpkin ice cream from ColdStone.... Jesus that sounds good. I wonder when they start selling that again. I'll have to look it up when I'm at work.

I also need to get a haircut, mainly because I can't find a styling product that I can tolerate when my hair's this length. Right now I'm switching between some cheap-o Suave hair gel, which doesn't really have any effect other than to make me slightly less frizzy (and smells kind of funny) and my American Crew Matte Styling Putty, which is this sticky white goop that holds my hair well, but also makes it hurt as though I'd dipped my hair in glue and then adhered a small, hair-pulling child to my scalp. Plus, when my hair's this long, I can't just forego showering for a day... which, on mornings like this one, would be nice. Because I really want to know when that pumpkin ice cream comes out.

BUT to get my hair cut, I have to find a place that's open. In my adulthood, I have come to favor any of the myriad generic hair salons that don't really promise good service to anyone who doesn't think the name says it all (Great Clips, Super Cuts, Awesome Hackjobs... you know what I mean.) There's just something about a somber, uninviting, silent woman cutting my hair that I prefer over a chatty Cathy who tries to get me talking about sports (because she's the type of woman who's proud she can relate to males) or the weather (because she has nothing else to talk about.) I used to like it when I had a friend who cut my hair because we used to gossip about people we knew and that was fun... but I suppose the only way I could have a situation like that again is to as a friend where they go and then become a regular. You'd think I would have gotten over this after having my hair cut a few times in China, buuuut no.

Keep the faith!

About two weeks after I got off the plane, people started asking me "What are you going to do now?" For awhile, I'll admit I had no idea... just finding a source of income was enough to occupy all of my time and forward-thinking abilities. Now, with me working back at the newspaper and living at home, some have gone so far as to suggest that they think that my current arrangement is a sign of complacence, and that if I allow it to continue, all my nomadic inclinations will become mired in their pre-China muck and I will be stuck here forever.

I am telling you right now... I am not stuck in Kansas. I will not work at the paper for the rest of my life, I will not take up permanent residence ten feet from where my parents sleep, and I will not spend all my income accumulating belongings that will only serve to complicate my eventual departure from this little life of mine (I realize now that what I just said sounds like I'm planning to die soon, or, at least once I actually do get stuck in Kansas. That's not what I meant, but I don't feel like editing it because I enjoy the 'wink-wink' allusion to "This Little Light of Mine." So, when I say "life", I mean "lifestyle"... and nothing to do with heartbeats, brainwaves, or breathing. Well, maybe a little with the brainwaves...)

Here are a few real, tangible ways I'm ensuring that these statements are true:

- I'm taking a second job (part-time at Yankee Candle) to get some more moving money,
- I've asked my parents to help subsidize the first couple months of rent and, possibly, moving expenses (a HUGE step for me), and
- I'm applying to roughly a job a day... which I know isn't really enough, but it's better than nothing.

I'm hoping (realistically) to be out of here by early- to mid-October... and at the moment I am pushing to move to Seattle. If I made it in China for a year, you can be damned well sure that I can make it work in Seattle, even if I have to take on three jobs, one of which involves cleaning up cat shit (or turkey.) I'm prepared!

... and... yeah.

Oh, what a tangled web Wii weaves...

I really don't have much to say about my Wii other than that I have formed an almost sick obsession for it... which is why I can't stop myself thinking of funny (to me) ways to use "Wii" in common catchphrases. All that aside, I usually fire it up two or three times a day, sometimes only to look at its gorgeous menu or browse the internet on its slow, somewhat cumbersome internet channel, or beat a few more levels of "Kirby's Adventure" (the old 8-bit game I was OBSESSED with as a child... an obsession that has carried over into my adulthood, apparently.) I've also been working on "The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess", which is an amazing game.

I have to admit, though, that I'm not much of a gamer... I think there are two reasons for it. First, and less embarassingly, I feel like whenever I sit down and play a video game for a handfull of minutes (or, *gulp*, hours) I feel like its a monumental waste of my time... I feel this way because of the second reason I'm not a gamer... I don't really enjoy video games all that much. I mean, I like a game with a good story as much as anybody, particularly if its from one of the bubbly, happy game franchises like Mario and, to a certain extent, Zelda.

But, really, I get a little spooked by playing them. Even when I'm playing the most brightly-colored, non-realistic of digital confections, I find myself shaking in anticipation of the next happy little baddie lurking around the lollipop corner. It's pathetic... but, alas, it's true. And game like "Halo" or "Splinter Cell"? Fugheddaboutit... I think I'd have a heart attack!

There are two exceptions to this rule: The first is "God of War", which I started playing a couple weeks ago. It's dark and graphically violent... but it's also really fun... none of the tension of a first-person shooter where you have to lurk in the shadows, moving your control stick only slightly in hopes of not being found out by some giant monster. Which brings me to the second exception, the "Resident Evil" series. I can't actually PLAY those games without wetting myself, but watching others play them is enjoyable.

Long story short, I'm glad I bought a Wii, because it has more of the sugary (some might say "insipid") games my weak-ass gamer self can handle, and it also has plenty of "party" games... like "Mario Party", "Wii Play", "Wii Sports", etc. that can be played by up to like eight people at a time. We all know (or we should, anyway) how much I like to host parties and the like... so the fact that the best games on the Wii right now are its numerous mini-game collections makes it pretty much the perfect system for me.

Somebody wash my mouth out!

I normally don't make a habit of cussing when I talk to people... I find it a little abrasive and off-putting when other people do (JJ, can you fuckin' hear me?) and so I often censor the more colorful language floating around in my head in favor of my dulcet, unassuming, vanilla tones.

But looking back at some of my previous posts, I guess those efforts don't translate over into my writing.

I've always felt that I'm better with written communication than I am with verbal communication (perhaps that's why I still keep TWO blogs, or why my only 'real' girlfriend was a long-distance, internet romance.) So maybe all this bleak, expletive-laden talk is the real me?

Obviously.

Is that depressing to me?

Certainly.

...

ANYWAY, I started back at the paper this week, and so far things are going fairly smoothly. At the moment there are a couple other people writing stories for Spring Hill as well, so really, the most stressful part of the job has been A.) fitting all the news into the paper by deadline and B.) dragging my ass out of bed in the morning. Granted, this is Day Two, but... yeah.

Also, I finally got a new cell phone. Which makes me happy. And I have a Wii. Which I can't stop playing.

Happy Trails

I was thinking today about the day I arrived in Dongying... it was an overcast, hazy day (just like today), and my room was small, bare and depressing (just like it is now)... and I was incredibly depressed by the prospect of spending almost a year in this place.

Now that year (or, really, 10 months) is finally over! The shit's packed. The room's clean (mostly). All I have left to do now is wake up in the morning, get on a bus, and GO! I can't fucking wait!

... and yet I'm depressed again. I guess maybe I don't like change, but I'm also sad to be leaving a fair few of these people (particularly our beloved bartender JJ, who I'll most likely never see again.) It's kind of like one of those situations where a group of strangers endure a trama together, and as a result they become almost as close as family. Of course, our trauma really only consisted of watching small children shit in the middle of the sidewalk, and our family is an extremely disfunctional one... but it's family nonetheless, and it's been difficult to say all the indefinite and inevitable goodbyes.

But now that all those goodbyes have been said, there's really nothing left to do but leave... and that is something to be excited about. Now it's just a couple weeks of (hopefully painless) travelling. First up... Beijing for a few days to regroup, relax, and drop off the bulk of our shit. We'll also probably either go to A.) The Forbidden City or B.) Summer Palace, because those are the two big tourist destinations I have yet to hit. After Beijing, we plan to take the train down to Xi'an for some terra cotta fun... then onto Guilin and Yangshou for a few more days, and then back to Beijing to finish off the remaining sight and to consume that eponymous duck. We have no transportation booked at present, which kind of worries me (Jesus, I've been hanging out with the Brits too much)... but I'm sure it'll all work out in the end. Right? Right!

So, anyway... goodbye, Dongying. It's been (sorta) nice knowing you...

I'm drunk... again!

Tonight's the third night in a row I've been out drinking... but tonight's probably the best night so far because A.) when we went to 0546 (Dongying's Premiere night club), there was some Chinese pop group practicing their synchronized dance for their upcoming performance(s) and B.) Alyssa went home with James... and when I say "with James", I mean "WITH James"... oh hoa! It's crazy... and I can't wait to take the mickey out of her (as the Brits say.)

In other news, I leave Dongying in like a day and a half. I'm going insane... I feel like I have so much to do (on top of dinners, drinks, and general conviviality with people that I most likely won't see in quite a long while... if ever again)... and yet I can't wait to be out of here. It makes me really happy throwing away all the pointless shit I've amassed in my year abroad (and even before then)... I feel so "free"!!!

Apparently three days after I get home, my mom is taking my brother and I along on a "business trip" to Chicago. HOLLA! I'm hoping in the next few days to set up some interviews for myself while I'm there so that hopefully I won't have to return home at the end of the vacation! If you read this and know of any place that might hire me (and can get me an interview)... LET ME KNOW!

Linkin Strong

I think I might have just had my first positive encounter with Chinese people ever (other than, of course, our resident bartender, JJ.)

My friends Richard and Greg, both teachers at the nearby Petroleum University, held an American-style bar night for their American Culture class, where basically the students were invited to come out to the bar and interact with foreigners (I assure you, this is a Chinese kid's wet dream-come-true.) So I begrudgingly decided to attend, even though most of my previous conversations/encounters with Chinese people have been creepy, annoying, or otherwise off-putting.

Tonight, though, I was entertained, and I feel I had fairly good conversations with all of the people I spoke with. Of particular note was an automation major whose self-given English name is "Linkin Strong'. Linkin Strong is awesome. Linkin Strong will rule the world. Linkin Strong says you'd better exercise and play sports... or else! He was a bit abrasive I suppose, but I enjoyed listening to him prattle on about how sports are important and how Linkin Park is the bridge between Western and Eastern culture.

But really, I had a good time.

Also, I've been buying up glasses like there's no tomorrow. So far I've bought three new pairs (complete with eye exam, frames, and lenses) for about US$160. Sweeeeet. One pair is black and blaze orange, another is white, and the final is a deep blue green that I think will match my car nicely. I'm still on the lookout for a pair or two more... I want to be in the position where I can have numerous optical options for any given occassion. Woo hoo!

In which I briefly turn a blind eye to all the reasons why I hate China.

Is it my tragic fate to only begin to appreciate things in the waning hours of my experience of them? It would seem so... at least if you look at my time here in China. Or maybe these past few weeks have been kind of really good. Basically, I've just stopped hating it here (I think mainly because the end is in sight) and as a result I've been getting out more, spending more time with friends, and having fun with my students. And how! All this makes me somewhat nostalgic about China... to the point where I'm like "Oh, Dongying, I'm gonna miss you."

Then the hot water stops working for more than a week, No-Pants Toddler's (TM) dad gets mad because I don't stop and "chat" with his son and his exposed giblets, or some Chinese fucker stares at me a little too long, and I'm ready to leave this anus of the world without a second thought.

I'm still working out where I'll be and what I'll be doing between the day I finish teaching (June 19th) and the day I fly home (July 12th)... but I think these next few weeks are going to be off the hizzy.

Nothing ever works in China, so why should I?

Considering how little there is to do in this town, I find it surprisingly hard deciding how best to spend my time. Usually I end up sitting around and mulling over all my options (most of which are DVDs) until there's nothing I can do other than flip through a couple pages of Harry Potter before passing out.

Went on a tour this afternoon of Dongying by way of mass transit. Unfortunately, it didn't work out so well and we wound up and the main bus station the majority of the time, but still... I enjoyed it and hope to do it again soon. My goal is to ride on one of the city's double-decker busses. Do you spell "busses" with one or two s's? I'm too lazy to look it up... I'll add it to my list of possible things to do tomorrow.

My apartment stinks.

We have no water. We've had no water pretty much all week. Today I thought maybe I'd have water enough to shower, and I did (albeit an icy trickle), but I've gotten so used to having no water that I forgot to put anything over the drain after I was finished showering. In most places I'm familiar with, this would have been no big deal. But since China has yet to discover the beauty of plumbing that utilizes traps, I am now stuck with an apartment that smells of sewage. Bummer.

My plane tickets arrived today... during class. I opted to stop the class, open the package, check the tickets, and then gloat to my students that I am getting the fuck out of here in less than a month (well, out of Dongying... I fly home on July 12th.) I also told some of them that I hate them, but they don't know what that means. MUAHAHAHAHA!!! So that's exciting.

I fear I have been bested by my toddling troupes of Chinese children... they have officially pushed me over the edge. One can only teach so many classrooms full of rowdy children who talk, play, spit, shit and do pretty much everything aside from pay attention while their teachers (the ones who they actually listen to) sit in the back grading papers, talking to each other, sleeping, or answering cell phones... before they go off the deep end. I am now plotting ways to do in all of my students (and maybe some of those teachers) before I leave this tactless shitbox of a "nation" for good.

Top on my list (and probably the most poetic, given current events) is giving my students candy, but poisoning it with antifreeze so that, while it's deliciously sweet, it's also deliciously toxic. This would be especially effective because almost every day they bombard me with demands for "sweets"... even though they have no reason to believe that I would actually give them one.

Next up would be to lock them in some sort of gated community, give each of them a weapon, and force them to kill eachother until only one remains... who I would then personally kill, likely with any left-over poisonous candies from the previous murder method. I'd probably have to strap C4 to their necks so that if they tried to make any trouble, I could have them remote detonated.

Another option is to simply allow them to live out their pointless, abrassive, animalistic and disgusting lives in this festering landfill of a society... a fate far worse than death. This whole country's probably going to fold in on itself someday anyway... and it'd be a shame to deprive myself of the pleasure of watching it happen from afar by merely offing a few of the future causes of that implosion.

And so I wait.

It's like I already knew that!

I think it's appropriate that Denzel Washington's newest movie is called "Deja Vu"... chances are it's the same as every other movie he's ever been in.

The new Harry Potter wallpapers available at www.joindumbledoresarmy.com are awesome, particularly the fifth one.

I bought a fake M-16 today. It shoots plastic pellets. It has a laser. I'm going to have to fight the urge to aim for the guy who rides his bicycle through our community at 6 in the morning yelling something that sounds like "Hairy!" over and over and over again.

I'm psyched for the Pimps 'n Ho's party at the bar tonight, only because I found some really sweet bling bling.

I find myself eating a lot of cookies in China, but only because they help me to forget the where I am and what I'm doing.

I really like Juliet on 'Lost'... like... a lot.

I hope the stories are true that Spider-Man 3 is already available on DVD here in China already. If not, I might go to Beijing next week to see it (apparently it comes out on the 1st here!)

I have no more water in my room, but I'd almost rather die of thirst than have to try to resolve the situation with a Chinese person.

I'm going to be hungover for class tomorrow. That's why we'll be watching 'Dumbo' (the same way we watched 'Babe' in Sra. Landis's class... i.e. worksheets.) When I was a little kid, I always watched 'Dumbo' when I was sick, and it almost always made me feel better.

It must make sense to someone.

China's kind of funny.

Funny in the sense that when they have a national holiday (like next week's Labor Day holiday from May 1-7) they make everyone in the country work over the weekend to make up the days they will eventually be given off. That means that even though they call the holiday a "week-long" holiday, the number of days we actually have off is significantly less, with the added bonus that we get to put in an 8-day work week.

I'm not explaining it well... mainly because I don't understand. At any rate, I should be used to it by now (as we've gone through the whole thing twice before) but the fact that I have a marathon week of teaching under my feet makes me crazy.

How many days till school's over? Oh, wait... they haven't decided yet.

Honestly.

My long weekend in short.

I had a HUGE post detailing my three day weekend all written up and there were links and everything and now it is gone and I have sunk into a pit of insurmountable despair...

sigh.

But maybe things like this are better relayed in brevity. So here it is...

I became a cowboy this weekend. It was thankfully shortlived.
I taught people to line dance (even though I don't know how to line dance.)
I was semi-dragged to the China International Fruit and Vegetable Industry Expo.
It was hell.
Chinese tourists are horrible.
I ate silkworms.
The new HP5 trailer is awesome.

Hooray for Surveys!

I'm bored, annoyed, etc. and I found this on Facebook. If you know me, you know how much I love a survey, and this one seemed to have different questions than normal... which I appreciate.

70 Quirks about me:

1. What are your initials?
MRT

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
clothes

3. Last thing you ate?
Sean's noodles

5. I say Shotgun, you say?
okay...?

6. Last person you hugged?
one of my students

8. How many U.S states have you been to?
23

10. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
no

11. Name something you like physically about yourself?
my eyebrows

13. Who is your best friend?
I don't know

14. Why are you still up?
Because I'm angry/annoyed/in China

15. Who/What made you angry today?
People acting more high maintenance than is reasonable

16. Favorite type of Food?
Western

17. Favorite holidays?
July 4th, Christmas

18. Do you download music:
Yes... on iTunes

19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Hell yeah

21. Would you date the person who posted this?
no

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Carrie did!

23. Do you love anyone?
Yes

24. Do you like Bush?
Not at all

25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
Nope

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting:
Yes... a few times!

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
Maybe... I couldn't quite tell.

28. How much money ya got in ya pocket?
RMB 29.60

29. Have you met a real redneck?
I'm related to some.

30. How is the weather right now?
Cool and cloudy

31. What are you listening to right now?
My fan

32. What is your current fav song?
"SW" by Blonde Redhead

33. What was the last movie you watched?
Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason. Sigh.

34. Do you wear contacts?
No... but I wish I did.

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Nina and Lisa's home.

36. What are you afraid of?
Heights and deep water.

37. How many piercings have you had?
None.

38. How many pets do you have?
None... unless you count Maggie.

39. What's one thing you've learned?
I can't make everyone happy.

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Venti triple non-fat latte

42. Have you ever fired a gun:?
Yes.

43. Are you missing someone?:
Yes. Many people, actually.

44. Fav. TV show?
Arrested Development, Lost, Heroes, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, The Office

45. Do you have an iPod?:
Of course I do!

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
No.

48. Who would you like to see right now?
Everyone back home.

49. Favorite movie of all time?
Jurassic Park

50. Do you find yourself loved?
I think usually.

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?
Yep.

52. Favorite flower(s)?
The kind that look good in a room and don't smell a lot.

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
Plain

54. What Magazines are you reading?
None at the moment, but usually Entertainment Weekly and Men's Health.

55. Have you ever ridden in a limo?:
Once, for my grandma's funeral.

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
No.

58. What's something that really bugs you?
China.

60. Do you like Michael Jackson?
Not as much as most people.

61. What's your favorite smell?
Rain

62. Favorite baseball team?
The Royals!

63. Favorite cereal?
Frosted Flakes (at the moment)

65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
Maybe 36.333333 hours?

66. Last time you went bowling?
College

67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
The taxi cab on the way back to my hotel in Qingdao.

68. Who was your last phone call?
A random Chinese woman (wrong number.)

69. Last time you were at work?
I technically live at work.

70. What's the closest orange object to you?
A box of Crystal Light Sunrise On the Go Classic Orange packets.

Writer's Block

Have I rediscovered myself since coming to China? Perhaps. I've rediscovered that I do enjoy the prospect of writing (at least in theory.) I've rediscovered that I really do have a little more than average interest in interior design. And I've rediscovered that Fiona Apple's Paper Bag is an amazing song.

But more important than the things that I've rediscovered are probably those that I've discovered. Like the fact that I can watch Spike Jonze's obscure music videos and commercials on YouTube. Or that no matter how much I hate my life at any given point in time, once removed from it I will invariably look back upon it as one of the best times in my life.

Why is that?

Do I have some chronic desire to be unhappy? That could be. Maybe I refuse to let myself enjoy the moment as fully as I could, then look back at what the moments could have been rather than what they were to me. Maybe I really have lead an awesome life and I'm just too self-depricating to realize it.

In spite of all that, I am, for the moment, happy. Maybe not truly happy, but I am listening to Fiona Apple, I am drinking wine, and I am in China. Goddamn mother-fucking China. And regardless of whether I'm loving it or hating it, if I would have thought a little over a year ago that I'd be living in China, I would have laughed at the thought and continue writing that my three goals in life were to get a job, get out of Kansas, and get a dog.*

I think all this nostalgia was spawned by my revisiting the McSweeney's website. I love just about everything that there is on offer at that place, and would probably die to be a part of anything they have going on (particularly volunteering with 826 Chicago.) It all really makes me want to move home (by which I mean "The States") and take up residence doing something moderately related to what I, for now, think I'd like to be doing in a city I never would have thought I could live in before I came to China.

Buuuuut the plan for now is to go to South Korea for a year in order to make some decent money and subsequently pay of some debt... while still travelling. My other goals include losing weight, writing more, and possibly having sex again (as it's been far too long.) But that's a whole 'nother blog post.

*I actually still have all of those goals, particularly the first and the last. But at the moment I am of the opinion that it will all come in due time.

This blog is old.

I was just looking at a few of my more recent posts on here, and I can almost smell the dust. 4.0? Graduation? Getting out of Kansas? My, oh my, how time flies.

Anyway. The music has finally ended (I managed to capture a video on my camera and may one day manage to show it to people) and the day has turned out fairly well, with the exception that the students have returned and I have to prepare lessons tonight. I wonder if all teachers feel about their students the way I feel about mine. It's not that I hate them, I just loathe the fact that I have to see them (and therefore be in the classroom teaching) everyday. Plus, I have to try to be creative in order to keep their interests, while still maintaining the content required by the school... content which seems to leech all creativity and fun out of a classroom by nature.

In short, I hate it.

Buuuut whatever. Next year I'm going to Korea, where I hope to teach/work in an English village, which don't seem to require much classroom teaching at all. Then I'll probably head back stateside with hopefully less debt and an even better idea of what I think I'm supposed to be doing with myself.

I've just realized that I'm still just as scattered and indecisive as I was two years ago... is that depressing?

Damn you, China!!!

I've decided to return to blogger for a number of reasons; namely:

1. Blogger works in China.
2. Xanga doesn't work in China.
3. I look upon my use of Blogger as the renaissance of my blogging life.

I am at the moment being driven insane by some asshole(s) who feel it both appropriate and necessary to play the loudest, most annoying traditional Chinese song I have ever heard on a loop for the last four and a half hours (and counting.) It appears that it is for the arrival of a bride and groom to their new home in a building about 500 yards away from mine. The song sounds kind of like a troupe of happy mosquitos who are trying to hum some song that's so fast that they can't quite get in tune. Even with my window closed, it sounds like I've got it playing on a radio right in front of me. If this persists, I may just kill myself.

So, yeah. Welcome back, blogger. Let's let the good times roll... again.