I fear I have been bested by my toddling troupes of Chinese children... they have officially pushed me over the edge. One can only teach so many classrooms full of rowdy children who talk, play, spit, shit and do pretty much everything aside from pay attention while their teachers (the ones who they actually listen to) sit in the back grading papers, talking to each other, sleeping, or answering cell phones... before they go off the deep end. I am now plotting ways to do in all of my students (and maybe some of those teachers) before I leave this tactless shitbox of a "nation" for good.

Top on my list (and probably the most poetic, given current events) is giving my students candy, but poisoning it with antifreeze so that, while it's deliciously sweet, it's also deliciously toxic. This would be especially effective because almost every day they bombard me with demands for "sweets"... even though they have no reason to believe that I would actually give them one.

Next up would be to lock them in some sort of gated community, give each of them a weapon, and force them to kill eachother until only one remains... who I would then personally kill, likely with any left-over poisonous candies from the previous murder method. I'd probably have to strap C4 to their necks so that if they tried to make any trouble, I could have them remote detonated.

Another option is to simply allow them to live out their pointless, abrassive, animalistic and disgusting lives in this festering landfill of a society... a fate far worse than death. This whole country's probably going to fold in on itself someday anyway... and it'd be a shame to deprive myself of the pleasure of watching it happen from afar by merely offing a few of the future causes of that implosion.

And so I wait.