Like mother, like son.

My mom and I were sitting at Sonic tonight, waiting for some smoothies. If you haven't been to Sonic in the last couple of years... what the hell's wrong with you? (kidding)... they have a key pad where you can pay with your credit or debit card without having to inconvenience the carhop or, by extension, yourself. (The less human-interaction these days, the better, right?) These keypads are also kind enough to let you know your order is being delivered, as ours did just before my mother and I had this conversation...

Mom: I hate it when it does that.
Me: Why?
Mom: Because then I have to pretend to be happy.
Both: (laughter)

I know, it doesn't sound funny, but I still can't stop laughing about it... mainly because I feel exactly the same way. Because you know when that little message pops up that in about ten seconds, the carhop's going to come out and give you a big fake smile and pretend that she couldn't be more tickled to be delivering you a couple of smoothies that cost more than she makes in an hour. And, so, of course, you're going to have to pretend to be that happy too. It's just common courtesy, right?

Sometimes I feel like I am pretending to be happy all the time. The sad thing is it's not something I'm really even sad about (even though I know I should be)... I'm just never feel as happy as I pretend to be on the outside. Am I depressed? Maybe. But I don't feel depressed. I just feel like there's a level of happiness that has become accepted as normal (regardless of whether or not it really is), and my level of happiness is somewhat below that. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, but I'm comforted by the fact that a lot of people - my mom included - feel exactly the same way.

I'm just going to blame it on our stupid society and our inability to be real with one another because we're afraid someone might get offended in the process. THat works, doesn't it?