This weekend was Old Settlers. I was going to give you all a three-part day-by-day account of the celebration of the mediocrity of Olathe, KS, but I found the events wanting of such commemoration. Therefore, I will proceed to give you my thoughts on the events en totum (dunno if that's Latin or what, but Jesus it makes me sound smart). Grange pups are amazing. Walking tacos are too, but slightly less. No matter how many Jon Bon Jovi look-alikes or Ron Jeremy-Bilbo Baggins hybrids you run across, it never gets old. Man rings are expensive when purchased from the Oriental gypsies. High school kids will always herd in the lawn, and flock like sheep at the prospect of seeing a fight. The crazy bus is never as crazy as it is when we're in town. Twelve year old girls are WHORES. Retards are funny... until you realize they're retards.
Do you hear the sweet soft murmurings of "Everybody's Free[To Wear Sunscreen]"?
Like Reader's Digest for people who don't want to waste their time stalking me.
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