I am on a roll.

You'd think that as test days approach, I'd be more apt to attend my classes. You'd be wrong. Right now I should be in Spanish class (arguably the most difficult class I've taken at K-State - for me anyway), but instead I'm at work, getting paid for my time. My justification is that my boss made me go get food for people at the Union, and when I got back it was like 9:28 (class starts at 9:30). I probably would have only been a couple minutes late, but I absolutely abhor walking in late to class and having the teacher watch me from the corner of his eyes while everyone else either stares at me or continues to sleep. I can't handle that... not this morning.

PLEASE: Before you read this, note that everything I'm saying is sort of a generalization, and it doesn't apply to every one of my Manhattan friends. Also note that this is more an image of how I feel and have felt for the past few days, and not how I will feel or plan on feeling in the days, weeks, months, and years to come. So don't jump to conclusions: most of the people who I'm going to be talking about don't read this anyway... at least not that I know of. SO:

I think, with my attitudes toward life and politics, I've managed to push most of my friendships to the breaking point, and now my world here in Manhattan is kind of crumbling around me. I wish I cared more - at least enough to try to feign contentment and make everyone like me again... but I can't do that. I mean no offense to anyone who reads this, but I am so sick of all the bullshit that goes on around here. BUT I know I've put myself into the situations I'm in and that in doing so I have become a part of that bullshit, so I can't blame any of you. More and more, though, I can't wait to graduate from this shitbox and leave all of you people - as much as I love you all.

Maybe I'm just depressed. Like I said, don't take it personally. Some people (my roomate) think that everything that I really like is depressing. Movies, books, music... that if I feel it's worth watching, it's probably depressing. I strongly disagree, but I don't have desire to expound the energy to give you my rebuttal. Suffice it to say I find the fact that people listen to shitty rap and unspired country music much more depressing than the fact that there are talented musicians (potentially rappers or country singers) who have something to say about the REAL WORLD in which I am living, rather than one composed of "dubs" and "shorties" and "beer-drinking horses". Sue me. And 'Whale Rider' is NOT a depressing movie... and I have a hard time seeing it as one, as some people might have me do.

I woke up this morning and wished I could shake like a dog and have all this shit fly off me and splatter on the walls like globs of paint and fat and whatever else is covering up what I really am. Is it really worth it? Probably. Am I motivated or inspired to do it? Not today. Not by you. No, today I am going to sit here on my ass and type about all of it in my pithy blog and pretend to be productive as I slowly succumb to anger, hatred, and obesity. Today I am going to be exactly who you think I am... exactly who you need me to be.